


Renewed Belief

by mia6363



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Families of Choice, Found Family, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Origin Story, Team Bonding, Team as Family, descriptions of violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-12
Updated: 2018-02-12
Packaged: 2019-03-17 06:40:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13653540
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mia6363/pseuds/mia6363
Summary: He told her his name was Caleb Widogast. He said that she seemed like a smart girl.Do you want to get out of here? Between the two of us, I think we could do it.





	Renewed Belief

Humans were savages with disgusting soft flesh and even more vile eating habits. They were cruel. They were stupid. They were beastly. At least, that’s what Nott’s clan leader had said. The clan leader knew everything. When the clan leader said to jump, you jumped. When the clan leader said to stab, you stabbed. 

It wasn’t that Nott _didn’t_ believe her clan leader. It’s just…

When the rest of the clan was asleep Nott would sneak off and take all night finding the tallest tree to climb.

There were so many bright, pretty, _shimmery_ lights. It was warm, flickering like firelight against the hills and valleys. A _city_. From far away, Nott couldn’t see anything disgusting about it. Surely… humans weren’t _that_ bad, not if they could make something so soft, shining, and warm. 

It was easy to shirk her duties, to scamper off in the cover night towards the city. She was careful to keep out of sight, hiding in the shadows as people, all _sorts_ of people milled about. It was dizzying, like the entire night sky unfurled in her chest, stars glittering in the spaces between her ribs and lungs. She was drunk on the rush of something _new_. She followed crowds until she was up in the rafters of some round building with high, high ceilings with beams criss-crossing the top. 

A large group of folks, _all sorts of folks_ , sat in seats, facing a piece of the floor that was elevated. Velvet curtains parted and Nott’s eyes widened as a human girl dressed in shimmering satin and pearls began to sing. 

Her voice lifted into the rafters and fluttered over melodies like a bird. Nott clung to the rafters, transfixed as an entire show was put on below her, men and women in fancy dress, dancing, laughing, and singing around grand adventures, love, and loss. _Humans aren’t so bad_ , Nott remembered thinking, _just look at them_. Her hands were numb by the time the show was over, by the time the audience leapt to their feet and threw flowers, applause and cheers rising to a glorious crescendo that carried Nott all the way back to her clan. 

She woke everyone up, excited, gleeful, eager to share her findings. She babbled to everyone, about the pretty flowers that had been thrown to the stage, the singing, the dancing. _They sing like us! They dance like us! I don’t think they’re bad, not really—_

The clan leader had grabbed her and growled, _are you calling me a liar_? And Nott shook her head, still smiling. She’d been so stupid, she _grinned_ as she said, _No, of course not, but I saw them tonight—_

By the time her clan leader was done… by the time it had all stopped… 

Nott’s shoulders trembled, all the time even if she was calm (she was never calm) and even if she was serene (she was never serene). Her teeth had cut her own lips and when she woke up, it was on the outskirts of _that beloved city you love so much_. She’d stood on trembling legs, her left eye sluggish to catch up with her right, and no matter how many time she swallowed she could only taste copper and ash. Her thoughts were disjointed, like their legs had been broken. She stumbled, she was in some sort of alleyway… and a person had rounded the corner.

A human. A human who took one look at her and _screamed_.

::::

Caleb liked her for her hands. 

It had been a few months of always running before she was finally caught and her cellmate was a human. One who did startle at her appearance, but didn’t lash out. He was skinnier back then but just as dirty. He had dark bruises under both eyes and when he whispered to her she saw that his tongue was stained red with his own blood. 

He told her his name was Caleb Widogast. He said that she seemed like a smart girl. _Do you want to get out of here? Between the two of us, I think we could do it._

It was because he saw her hands. How nimble she moved. Nott wasn’t _stupid_. Not anymore. 

So they broke out of prison. Caleb couldn’t see in the dark and he was so clumsy and loud, there was no way he could have gotten out himself. It made sense. Humans weren’t the beautiful, singing creatures that Nott had first believed, but they could be smart when they were in a pinch. 

It felt like years had passed when they finally stopped running, their legs sluggish, the air dry and _sharp_ in their lungs. Nott leaned against a tree as periwinkle light crept along the horizon. Caleb was nearby and sounded worse for wear, his face pale and he spit a few times into the leaves. Soon he would catch his breath. _Soon_ , Nott thought with a bitter scowl, _he’ll remember what I am_. 

She quickly swiped a jagged rock from the forest floor. He was skinny and bruised. She was hurt too. She’d been hurt before. Worse. A lot worse. His flesh was pale and looked soft. _It wouldn’t be that hard at all to overpower him_ , Nott remembered thinking. 

“Are you alright?” The human, _Caleb Widogast_ , wheezed, his hands on his knees. “I can’t, I can’t see— hold on.” A golden orb of twinkling, sparkling _light_ appeared between his outstretched hands— and suddenly it was like Nott was back in the rafters of the theater in that city. The light was soft, washing over his bruises and making his eyes shimmer as they moved to meet hers. “You were _incredible_. I’ve never seen anyone move so fast. You melted into the shadows like water, how did you do that?” Nott’s breath caught in her throat and the rock fell from her hand. He didn’t notice it, he hadn’t known that she’d been preparing for… had been close to… He just kept smiling at her, a luminous grin that was brighter than the woman who sang such a pretty song. Nott hadn’t realized she was crying until Caleb’s smile faded. “What’s wrong? Are you hurt?” 

She couldn’t answer, she had no words to describe the self-loathing anguish she felt. It had been so long since someone had smiled at her. She couldn’t remember, even before her clan leader had left a smear against the earth… when had any one in the clan _smiled_ at her? It felt like before, when something vast was stretching inside of her. 

Caleb’s hands were warm and gentle. He made odd sounds, a low cooing as he pulled her into an embrace. _Easy_ , he whispered, _it’s going to be okay_ , he promised. Nott heaved in air in uneven, stuttering bursts. She didn’t _want_ to believe him because the last time she’d believed something like that… the last time she’d allowed herself to get caught up in a flurry of optimism— 

She wrapped her arms around Caleb’s neck and buried her face into his shoulder. His arms tightened around her, like he couldn’t believe it either, like he too had been punished for _believing_ in something better. But he _believed_ in her. He didn’t flinch when her claws pricked his shirt as she struggled to get closer, her throat too tight to say, _I believe in you too._

::::

It was just her and Caleb for so long that she _forgot_ that it was possible to have _more_ than one other person in a group. 

They weren’t as big as a goblin clan, but it was no longer just her and Caleb against the world. They were hesitant at first, as they’d all been hesitant with each other… but it slipped into something almost reliable. Most of their travels were filled with various perils that would push them to the edge of their limits, sometimes well _past_ those limits. Most of their nights were spent with Nott trying to swallow enough booze to wash the taste of blood out of her mouth, to ease the tremor in her hands, and to help ease Caleb’s worried frown if she was hurt. 

Some nights… rare nights, were not spent doing any of those things. 

“Yes, _yes_ , Fjord, that’s the best you’ve done so far!” Jester leapt into the air and almost fell into the fire that crackled in the expansive field. Beauregard quickly grabbed her, spinning them to the side until they tumbled into the grass. Jester pushed herself off the ground momentarily to flash Fjord a thumbs up. “I could _barely_ feel your hands in my pockets!” 

“Woo hoo,” Beauregard rolled her eyes, “more pickpockets on the team. Just what we need.” 

“Sleight of hand can be very useful,” Molly’s retort was sharp and he winked at Nott. “Maybe if you had lessons from Nott, your dating life wouldn’t be so atrocious. I’m sure her tricks could be translated excellently to the bed—” 

Caleb’s hands covered Nott’s ears and she heard him warble out an off-tune song, glaring at Molly, though his anger wasn’t deep enough to reach his eyes. He pulled his hands away and laughter and the crackling fire returned to Nott. She cleared her throat and tugged on Fjord’s trousers. 

“That wasn’t bad,” Nott held her head up high. “Next time work on your breathing so you don’t stutter in your movements.” 

Fjord nodded, his lips pressed into a thin line that meant he was memorizing what she said. He crouched down so he was at her eye-level. 

“Thank you.” 

Gratitude was still new and Nott hiccuped, unable to reciprocate with a simple _you’re welcome_ , but Fjord didn’t seem to mind. He ruffled her hair and chuckled when she batted his hands away with a toothy grin. 

There were still nights when Nott would wake with a gurgled cry, her body forgetting that she was healthy and whole, that she wasn’t still a pile of barely held together viscera outside of a town. Sometimes it didn’t matter how much she drank or how much she stole… her mind would _forget_ that she was _fine_. Nott _knew_ that was she was fine but there were moments when her limbs would ache with such a severity that she wasn’t sure. Ghostly sensations of her teeth breaking off in pieces on her tongue as her entire clan guffawed her name haunted her. 

Most of the times Caleb would already be awake, his voice murmuring in his native language. She couldn’t say why it was comforting when she didn’t fully understand him… but she didn’t need to be fluent to know that his words were caring. 

Lately it wasn’t just Caleb. Sometimes it would be Jester with a pastry, Beauregard’s lean arm around her shoulder, Molly’s pretty cards spread in beautiful patterns, or Fjord’s low voice spinning tall tales of how the constellations earned their names. 

Molly pulled out a reeded instrument and began to play. Jester shrieked with delight and Nott was being pulled up onto her feet and out of her thoughts. She danced, twirling in the firelight from Jester to an exasperated but grinning Beauregard. Fjord clapped to the beat and Caleb smiled, his face unbruised and free to be as happy as he wished. 

When Nott had first heard that girl sing in the theater, it had been in a language that she hadn’t understood… but as she laughed as Jester took her for another spin, Nott believed she knew what the song was about. 

_I believe in you_ , Nott thought as Caleb got up to join in the dance, his hands taking hers, _all of you_.

**Author's Note:**

> Ahh my second Critical Role story... I hope it's okay? I was inspired by [_**this song**_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hvVHEBPIuqY)... it just moved me. I hope you enjoy this short little thing. Maybe one day I'll flesh a Critical Role fic into something.
> 
> Come say hi to me on [**tumblr**](http://mia6363.tumblr.com/).


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